There have been many times during the pandemic that I wanted to fight, scream and cry all within the same moment. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Experiencing those emotions all at once is intense. I don't have the language for what it feels like when you have these emotions but make a decision to suppress them.
If you know me, to say I'm a thinker is an understatement. I'm someone who is always reflecting, analyzing, assessing and planning. My personal life is centered around attaining safety and security. When these things aren't present, I feel vulnerable. I feel threatened. I'm informed enough to know that you can't control everything. What you can control is how you respond to what happens to you. When it comes to safety and security (as a planning, assessing, analyzing, reflecting Black woman) I make every effort to remove the potential obstacles so that I'm more equipped to bounce back if I encounter some. Stay ready so that you don't have to get ready. Right?
There's a cost that comes with staying ready. Let me shed some light on what it looks like spending your life always on GO! It will eat away at everything you rely on to keep you strong if you don't prioritize self-care. If you couple that with being a person that suppresses their emotions, it has the potential to dismantle you and whatever you've built. I know this because I've been there. I've expected my body to perform at an optimal level, and I wasn't giving my body what it needed to do that. I wasn't giving my body the rest it requires to recover. I wasn't giving it the release it needed. I'd almost go as far to say that it got to a point where I didn't know how to.
In April I will have a birthday. I will practice a radical form of self-love. My present to myself will be guilt-free REST. I know myself and I know that it won't be easy, but I know it is necessary. I need to recover. I need to release. I need to heal. I can't be my best self without it. REST IS PRODUCTIVE and I will give myself permission to do so. Make sure you do too!
Vick Breedy ❤️